You Might Be a Liveaboard If…

You might be a liveaboard if…

Just tack these phrases onto the end of ‘You might be a liveaboard if’. If you already live aboard, you’ll understand each and every one. If you don’t live aboard yet, you will get it when you do!

… your most important iPhone app is the Weather Channel

… NOAA is your homepage

… you freak out when your friends turn on their water faucet and walk away

… the local Kingfisher builds a nest on top of your TV antenna and you leave it because the reception is better

… you’re late for work but the boss says nothing because you’re wearing a life jacket

… you use a winch handle to tenderize conch

… you see your stuff being auctioned off on Storage Wars

… you can heat your home with a Bic lighter

… three squares a day references toilet paper, not meals

… the trunk of your car is your second closet

… you find yourself bleeding from random places at random times of the day

… when some asks “What do you do all day?” your reply is “I don’t know, but it takes all day to do it!”

… you and your girlfriend define “taking a little space” as being about six feet apart

… you wash your ziplock bags and hang them out to dry

… it takes two days to make ice

…you buy a nice mattress pad and then cut it into a triangle (and try to use the leftover corners for something else)

… opening your fridge is like playing Tetris

…you lay awake in bed when it’s windy and debate whether or not to cut your neighbour’s halyard

… Thursday isn’t trash day, it’s pump-out day

… sleeping in a bedroom makes you feel claustrophobic because there isn’t a hatch to look at the stars

… everyone you talk to starts the conversation with “so how’s the boat?”

… you get dressed twice in morning: once before you shower, once after

… you can’t pass a public washroom without thinking “I should go in and try”

… you get invited to a friend’s house for dinner and ask if you can take a shower and do your laundry while you’re there

… you use a flashlight to check on the contents of the oven

… You always buy extra beer because your neighbours will be over the minute they see you sitting in your cockpit drinking one

… you have no kids but you own a minivan

.. you buy your wife a fancy new LED light instead of flowers and she is more excited about than if you bought her flowers

… you find a missing pillow and t-shirt in the microwave

… having sex involves turning on a dehumidifier

… you tell your kid to “make the bed because it’s time for breakfast” (you need the table)

… a friend asks you to help fix an electrical outlet and you have to take apart her couch to get to it

… you get invited to a wedding and you realize you don’t own shoes

Barefoot at a wedding, maybe your own!

… you know the exact combination of space heater, microwave, toaster, and coffee pot to run without tripping the circuit breaker on the dock

… half your books tell you how to do stuff other people hire someone to do

… everybody who works at the marina knows you on a first name basis

… all your neighbours have your cellphone number, but only call for a weather report or to get you to check on their boat

… you have to strap a bag full of water to your boom and wait a few hours before you can take a shower

… you think styrofoam was invented by Satan, duct tape by God

… you no longer ask your co-workers if they want to go sailing on the weekend

– you spend weekends sitting in your cockpit with a boat hook beside you, waiting to fend off transient weekenders when they dock next to you

…You think CSI is some sort of local yacht club or racing acronym

… you have nicknames for all the local ducks/geese/swans

You might be a liveaboard if you know swans are meaner than they look!

… a quick 15 minutes to fix something always turns into an hour and a half

… you have to put an umbrella up inside during a rainstorm

… laundry involves a net bag, a moving boat and 50 feet of line

… a warm rum and coke doesn’t turn your stomach

… you think nothing of helping a neighbour on an all day project because you know he’d do the same

… you have to fix your toilet twice a year

… your permanent mailing address is a PO box

… it takes five minutes to explain how to use the toilet to a guest finished by detailed directions to the marina bathroom

… anytime you consider buying something you wonder what you’ll have to get rid of to make room for it

…you don’t want anything for Christmas that you can’t put on your Kindle

…you covet your neighbour’s oven/tub/ice maker

… you buy food at the supermarket based on the usefulness of its container

… you turn t-shirts inside out instead of doing laundry

… friends never buy you birthday presents, they just take you to dinner

… coming home feels like therapy

… when you don’t like the neighbourhood, you just untie and move

… sometimes dinner involves only one pot and a spoon